VANESSA MAKI —

MY ALTERNATE UNIVERSE TWITTER BIO SAYS I’M BAD AT LOVE

featured in issue 28

in an alternate universe / i expose myself even more online / i post terrible quality nudes / & use emojis to cover my nipples / & talk about my suicidal ideation / until the comments start flooding in / all about how i need to live / what i should live for / how the world would become emptier without me / i talk more about my failures / & how “dark” my desires can be / social media loves edgy shit / until it feels too real / until it’s too much to fathom / then comes the loss of followers / & suddenly it’s damage control time / my alternate universe twitter bio says that i’m bad at love / it’s a slight warning / to anyone who claims to want me / that they shouldn’t become surprised / when i reveal just how much of a nightmare i am / or that i fuck things up / more than i don’t / but the DMs still keep coming / mostly men wanting to own my body / stating just what they’d do / mostly without my consent / stating i shouldn’t post sexy pictures / if i don’t want the attention / that the internet is full of wolves / waiting to gobble me up / & i’m just the prey 

A BLEEDING MESS

when it starts to curdle again / i want to run / so fast / from thoughts of you / from any gut wrenching / craving for you / i want my feet to / take me / to an underworld / one that’s designed just for me / where i’m free of want for you / of this / whatever this is / & i’m never the dream / right? / i’m the broken up nightmare / a sloppy mistake / a bleeding mess / covering your hands / one you’ll wash off / again & again / let the blood go down the drain / wash me off / then get your hands dirty again / tell me it’s more / then make it less than that / it’s a mess / it’s a mess / it’s a mess

vanessa maki is a queer writer, visual artist & blk feminist whose work has appeared or will appear in various places. She has self-published chapbooks & has several chapbooks out this year: the chosen one (Animal Heart Press), sweet like limes (Bone & Ink Press) & another final girl (Roaring Junior Press).

she is a sagittarius. follow her at @theblackbuffy